ducky

at any given moment, ava has two possessions that she treasures above all else: ducky and X. X varies from time to time. right now, X is a penguin puppet. and, although she's slowly outgrowing this - it still makes ava a little anxious to let other people play with ducky.

beyond that, ava will give anybody, anything she has. she's quite happy to fork over her favorite toy, or book. when somebody comes to visit, she'll proactively suggest that they borrow any toy or book they've shown an interest in. she's constantly trying to wrap up random objects in our house and mail them to grandma.

she's even happy to share her food. she clearly enjoys distributing her "treats" (popcorn, pretzels, crackers, whatever) at the playground to her friends. if i give her a few pieces of treasured candy - she gives half of them back to me. the other day i made her a deal that she could have "the rest of the m&m's" if she finished her dinner (there were a whole 2 left in the package). she finished her dinner, investigated her loot, selected the blue m&m for herself - and gave me the green because "that's your favorite color, mommy". (note - i haven't tested this theory, but i think ava might draw the line at ice cream cones. i'm not convinced she'd be excited about sharing that.)

my sense is that ava is, truly, a generous kid. but, i also think that her behavior could also be attributed in a very causal way to her environment. first, she's clearly never truly wanted for books, toys, or food. i don't think she really even has much of a genuine "sweet tooth". she doesn't demand junk food very often - hence it's never really been presented to her as a "forbidden fruit". second, she has no competition. without a sibling around to "torture" her - ava's never really had to compete for her toys, and we adults don't make a habit of running around ripping them out of her hands. or "borrowing" them, and then breaking them, etc., etc.

all in all though, i figure it doesn't really matter how we got here. whether the underlying cause be a) genetics or b) she's spoiled rotten or c) we actually raised her right(?), i figure we've settled into a great pattern of behavioral therapy. she acts in a generous manner, over and and over again - therefore cementing her own unconscious belief that this is the "normal" or "right" way to behave.

yay.

when ava is quiet during her "nap time", i'm finally coming to realize that one of two things is going on. either, she's asleep (rare) ... or ... she's up to something.

a few weeks ago, we tucked in for nap with a set of markers in her room . . . and ducky emerged with some interesting "make-up". last week, it was a pair of scissors. thank goodness it was only an inexpensive fairy doll that came out an hour later with a buzz cut!

this week it was a box of bandaids. apparently, ducky had a few accidents. we hope he feels better soon.

"nap time" is not optional for ava on the weekends, but actually sleeping in. when she was little, of course, we made sure she slept - otherwise she was just a disaster in the evening. then we went through a phase where we preferred that she did not sleep - otherwise she was too hard to get to bed. these days, we don't really care either way. ava's bedtime performances don't seem particularly correlated with how much sleep she's actually had or needs.

so, we just put her in her room and close the door. surprisingly, about 33% of the time, she actually decides of her own little accord that she'll crawl into bed and have a little snooze. today was one of those days, and when we went in to wake her up, we found her sleeping arrangement quite amusing.

today ava is nine months (+ 2 years + 1 day) old. this morning we were looking for a new outfit for ducky, so i pulled out a basket of her old baby clothes. she selected a pink polka-dot dress, then decided it was "too big" for ducky, and that ava should wear it instead. so, we squeezed it on her, and she decided to hop into her "cradle" (laundry basket) with ducky. she was being pretty silly, so i started taking some pictures. she looks "sad" in some of them, as she is playing out an elaborate fantasy in which ducky is "mean to her" and then they kiss and make up, etc. more silly pictures here

it wasn't until later on that i realized that she was actually wearing exactly the same outfit as in her official nine month portrait. too funny.

most of you who have talked to me in person lately, know about my new ava-management strategy . . . we call it the "ducky-out".

ava's a pretty good little girl in general, but lately she's grasped the concept of "stalling tactics" at bed time. minutes after we put ava to bed, we hear a little voice saying "i need to go pee pee in toilet" or (and there is never any truth to this one) "my bed is wet" or "i'm thirsty". of course, we're happy to get her up for one or two bathroom attempts, but, seriously, she doesn't need to pee every 3 minutes (and she does wear a diaper).

generally, when ava is being unmanageable, we put her in a crib for the classic "time-out". unfortunately, if she's already in bed, this doesn't work so well.

enter mommy's most brilliant idea yet . . . the "ducky-out". during a "ducky-out", ducky and kitty (more on kitty later) come out of the crib for a couple of minutes. ava does not like this one bit.

the ducky-out has been very educational for mommy. the mere threat of a ducky-out can often take a hysterical ava to nice, peaceful, calm ava in 5 seconds flat. hmmm . . . who knew she had that degree of self-control! and after a dreaded ducky-out, the threat of further moments of ducky-out calms her down in 2 seconds flat.

today on the way home from a fun morning of triking, ava was having a hysterical tantrum in the car (very rare for her). we were on our way home for nap, and told her she was going to have to take a nap without ducky and kitty if she didn't calm down. this had absolutely no effect until we turned onto our street. then ava stopped screaming, instantly calmed herself to a very soft sniffle and said "i'm not crying any more mommy. i'm not sad kitty. i'm happy kitty. see mommy, i'm smiling at you! look mommy!"

hmmm . . . think she's working the system a little there?

we arrived in thunder bay just in time for nightfall on christmas eve. after opening presents on christmas morning, ava made her first venture outside into the land of cold and snow. ava was much more enthused by snow this year. still, on our first venture out into the cold she requested that ducky come along too. she very rarely requests that ducky come on an outing anymore - i guess she was feeling a little apprehensive! of course, ducky had to get dressed properly for the occasion . .. just like ava . . . in hats, mitts and a coat. fortunately, the coat was long enough that it covered his feet, so she forgot to demand that ducky wear boots too!

ava used to have room in her heart for only one inanimate object . . . good old ducky. now that ducky stays home most of the time, she's branched out a little. but while her interests have expanded, the passion has not diminished. now ava becomes furiously attached to the most random objects imaginable.

it all started with the "ice creams" (bottom left). ava assembled these from two unrelated sets of toys (stacking cups and a magnetic caterpillar) in the bath one day. oh . . . cute . . . clever . . . thought mommy and daddy. yeah, cute and clever right until the point where she refused to ever let go of them, including while she was sleeping. after a few days of that, i confiscated them in the middle of the night. a couple of weeks later, i brought them back for another try. major mistake - once again, i wound up clawing them out of her sleeping hands in the middle of night and spiriting them away (for good!).

she formed another strong attachment to her new cat towel. thankfully, i'm getting smarter, and by the second consecutive hour of wearing it in the house, i started rambling on about how kitty was a house-cat, and couldn't go outside, and blah, blah, blah. this seems to have kept this particular obsession to a manageable level.

by far the weirdest so far is a red nalgene bottle, which she picked up in the van on our trip to point reyes, sang songs to it for an hour in the van . . . and then insisted on snuggling it to sleep . . . twice.

ava discovered one of her "extra ducks" yesterday. she reacted exactly as i would have predicted - she came out holding both of them saying "two ducky", "two ducky" in a dazed but pleased tone of voice. then she gave one to me "mommy ducky" and kept one for herself "ava ducky". as soon as she got distracted, i put extra ducky away and she seemed to forget all about it. the last thing i need is her occasionally insisting on taking "two ducky" out for a walk . . . what would we do . . . would we have to buy a double stroller so that both duckies can be "ducky buckle . . . ducky buckle" . . . ?

ava's love for ducky knows no bounds and seems to grow with every passing day. ducky also serves as ava's primary creative outlet. every day her "ducky do this" requests get more and more entertaining. it all started with the diaper. ava fished out a diaper from the basket, put the diaper on the floor, lay ducky on top and said "ducky, ducky . . .diaper" until i outfitted him properly. "ducky, ducky, diaper . .. poo" never fails to me me laugh either. these days ducky puts on a coat when we go out in the morning, puts on boots to splash in the puddles, and sometimes wears a shirt. when ducky was suited up with my harry potter glasses from a long, long ago halloween, i demanded that john do a ducky photo shoot.

it's not all about ducky though. yesterday we were at the park, and some mallard ducks exited their pond to mill around the path with ava and i (crazy ducks). ava started chasing after them, arms outspread saying "hug, hug". later, she was chasing after the squirrels with a diaper wipe saying "nose, nose" (as in, "i need to wipe your nose). somehow, i'm going to have to break it gently to ava that although her intellectual and creative powers are blossoming, the wildlife around her cannot be expected to keep up.